The Weight of Our Words

Poppy reflects on how choosing kindness and empathy in our conversations strengthens both character and community.

Each week, our student leaders share their insights with their peers in Assembly.

I would like to begin with my best attempt at honouring the story of two men I have never met but admire very much, Otto Ruge and Carl Gustav Fleischer, who were Norwegian officers from the Second World War.

Alongside many other men, at a young age Otto and Carl entered the Norwegian army as Second Lieutenants, the lowest rank for commissioned officers. They formed a close working relationship, and over the course of their careers, both rose to the highest rank of Commander — a remarkable feat.

Their impressive achievements, however, are not why I am telling this story. Rather, what I admire is the way they navigated a competitive environment. Though it would have been easy for Otto and Carl to use their voices to vent frustrations with other officers and competitors, they are remembered instead for taking every opportunity to support and promote each other. There is evidence of them publicly praising and defending one another’s work, and it is believed they did the same in their personal lives. Ultimately, their military accomplishments exemplify J F Kennedy’s quote, “A rising tide lifts all boats”.

There are many aspects of our lives that differ from Otto and Carl’s, yet every day we also have the opportunity to celebrate the wonderful people we meet and the positive interactions we have, rather than dwelling on those that didn’t go to plan; where perhaps something was misinterpreted, or a well-meaning but careless comment was made.

This is not to say we won’t sometimes have experiences that are hurtful, or that we shouldn’t communicate and seek resolution. But it is important to recognise there are times when it is better to say nothing at all than to rehash a small annoyance. And, as shown by Otto and Carl, it is even better to share a positive comment for the sake of those around us, and for ourselves as well.

Just this weekend, my siblings and I noticed how uplifted my dad was when he came home from a social event. We asked him what he had enjoyed about it, expecting to hear that someone had said something kind to him. He took a moment to reflect and realised that offering a few thoughtful words to a friend about a project he had noticed them working on had been even more rewarding than receiving a compliment himself.

Psychology tells us that practising kindness releases feel-good hormones. It also tells us that, more often than we expect, the words we say about people when they aren’t present will find their way back to them. And I think it’s fair to say we’re more likely to regret burning a bridge with a throwaway criticism than to regret brightening someone’s day when they hear we spoke kindly of them.

Of course, it’s easy for me to stand here and say this without acknowledging how difficult it can be to resist negative conversations. Especially as young women, outdated stereotypes often expect us to gossip rather than engage in politics, academia, constructive discussion, or other areas women have historically been excluded from. We see this reflected online, where female celebrities are frequently asked intrusive questions about personal conflicts as if gossip is more interesting than their work. And we’ve probably all heard the generalisation that schoolboys play games at lunch while schoolgirls sit and gossip.

There are many reasons why this stereotype is wrong. One is that it dismisses our ability to share and process our emotions with each other, labelling that connection as meaningless gossip. Of course, we as women are capable of much more and those supportive, empathetic conversations should not be diminished. They reflect one of humanity’s greatest strengths: our capacity for connection.

The negative connotations of gossip should be reserved for when someone spreads superficial, harmful rumours, regardless of gender. It’s not something we should feel pressured or defined by.

As Wenona students, we already disprove such stereotypes daily by choosing to engage in positive, uplifting conversations. That is the culture we should continue to build for ourselves and our community.

Inevitably, we will all have moments when we wish we could take back certain words. Nobody is perfect. I certainly am not. But the more we choose patience and kindness in what we say about others, the less we regret, and the more we grow.

As shown by the legacy of Carl and Otto, who thrived individually by supporting each other, we only get to say so many words in our lifetimes ... so they might as well be kind.